The inability to work – My inner little demons of habit

I can’t blame everything on a bad childhood and having received a raw deal most of my life. I do have many good things in life – which are mostly because of the sacrifice amma has made for me. God bless her soul and keep her in Her warm heart!

I have become very averse to editing and don’t have the guts to say no to some projects because I haven’t readied myself for more meaningful work yet. Yes, supreme procrastination and justifying everything from the anti-capitalistic perspective. But I need to survive. And even if scarcely, I’m trying. I’m trying not to suck completely. Which I did for a long time in my adolescent years.

I will write about the underlying causes and my possible depression/anxiety (of course I’ve not gotten my mental health assessed professionally…deep conventional-medicine distrust issues).

But to do anything, I need to build a routine. Get up around sunrise, limit social media and phone use, walk, get some good sunshine, workout, absorb and celebrate music, art, knowledge, action.

So I vow to sleep latest by 1 am starting today, for this entire week. Wake up latest by 7 am. And do the right things – make lists, take good care of my body and mind, no mindless procrastination, no sugar, more body work, meditation, dance, art, learn, write, spend good time with Atch, clean up, and really enjoy living.

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